Channel 4’s latest offering to the bored masses is the docudrama Made In Chelsea. Not to be confused with Made in Dagenham (as much as MIC wishes it could be confused for something with good acting in it). Or to be wishfully mistaken for a lurid sex video by Chelsy Davy along the lines of 1 Night in Paris.

The cameras follow around a set of posh Chelsea inhabitants living out their everyday lives, where they drink a lot, gossip a lot, fall out of boats and own businesses related to precious materials. Plenty of fodder you would think for an audience that likes watching other people make a spectacle of themselves. Unfortunately, the scripting lets the show down. The idea of finding some Chelsea inhabitants who can actually act for a docudrama clearly passed the show’s producers by. Probably because they were too distracted by the attractive manes of hair – on the men.

The conversations on this show were painfully stilted; veering from the unintelligible horse like grunts posh people make when put on the spot, to lines so cheesy that it is clear mummy didn’t love them because they have apparently turned to Hollywood for inspiration on acting loved up.

Watching these scenes get filmed would have been a far more amusing experience. You can just imagine the director violently miming ‘give me emotion’ in each scene and the defensive yahs and horse noises after every scene cut. ‘Spence’ probably ran his hands through his rugged locks a lot and said things like “Like yah, I don’t understand why I have to talk about my feelings all the time, this isn’t like normal for me, I don’t have feelings.”

My favourite moment had to be watching Francis (who is somehow involved in diamond mining, although clearly not the actual hard work of mining itself) struggling to explain to his painter (and to himself no doubt) why he is being painted holding a globe and a pineapple: the director had clearly just thrown these items at him and yelled ‘action’. A lot of polite horsey stammering was used to ‘justify’ why he was looking like a tit.

There are those who say MIC will not beat The Only Way Is Essex because we like looking down on people, and we can feel smugly superior to those chavvy Essex types, in a way we cannot with these Chelsea chits, who have more weekly pocket money than some people earn in a year. However I would argue that it is very easy to look down on anyone who thinks that Charles Dickens wrote Winnie the Pooh. Very easy. And I look down on their parents too for bothering to waste so much money on their education. So yes, I probably will be tuning into MIC next week, bad acting aside, I want to make snide comments about their stupidity and ridiculous outfits. I’m sure any TOWIE fan would echo the sentiment.