Three things I have learned from BBC3

BBC3 is a funny old channel. Every channel has a reputation for showing certain types of programmes and in the good old days when we only had five channels on television (and for some of us in rural areas, we were lucky, or unlucky, enough to not have channel 5). Back in that golden past channel 4 and 5 seemed to share the glory for being somewhat seedy channels with trashy programmes you didn’t want to admit to your colleagues that you watched and you most certainly didn’t want to watch with your mother. Not because they were pornographic, although nudity sprung up often, but because you would have been told it will rot your brains and good lord is that what young people do nowadays, well back when I was little we didn’t have television, we made our own wholesome fun yah di yah di yah.

Anyway, with the advent of extra television channels, the BBC was given the chance to indulge the voice of temptation, the serpent to their Eve, telling them to take a bite of the forbidden fruit and commission programmes which were less David Attenborough wildlife programmes and more about the wild life of the dregs of society. BBC3 is essentially the BBC’s inner rebel and chance to be like their errant cousins over at channels 4 and 5.

Now I will admit to having a guilty addiction to some of the er fine works broadcast by BBC3 and in the recognition of the channel’s educational merits, which it wants to highlight by having a sex season, I would like to muse on three things BBC3 in general has taught me, when I slump home from work in front of the telly.

  1. Girls who wear lots of slap think they are snog-worthy or marriage material even though a public vote of what appears to be three ugly men (usually including a z list celebrity) says they would avoid that person – unless they are really hot in which case they will say snog, because let’s face it men that ugly aren’t fussy. But they will never say ‘I would marry her’ until the girl has been ‘made under’ by POD, normally accompanied by the compliment ‘she looks like someone I could take home to meet my mother’. So we also learn – men care more about their mothers opinions than yours.
  2. No matter how spectacularly the groom messes up the planning of the wedding and does the absolute complete opposite of everything the bride wants from the day she has been planning since she was old enough to appreciate Disney, she will still love it and insist that it shows the groom knows her better than herself.
  3. Cherry Healey may or may not have lost her virginity under an upturned boat on a beach. And that she suffers from a severe memory disorder if she can’t remember that.

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